THE
BLUE BOX (Recycled Ideas)
by Don Cox
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I must apologize for the long delay in putting out a new
column. I have been very preoccupied with matters of great
import in the international arena, and my exchanges with
Foreign Affairs and off-shore authorities have completely
filled my days. However, things have now progressed to the
point where I can share an overview of the work with you,
although it's too soon to get into the details. I'm pleased
that the readers of Blue Box will be among the first to
learn of this great new international initiative.
You may have noticed that there has been relative calm
in the Middle East over the last few days. This is a good
sign and is indicative that the warring factions are beginning
to take a serious look at my proposal. Yes, that's the news,
after all these centuries, someone has finally come forward
with a formula for peace between the Arabs and the Jews,
and that someone is your modest reporter...ME. Let me explain
the basics of this monumental breakthrough.
Like all of you, I have been concerned over the years
at the threat to world peace in the Israel/Palestine dispute.
I have studied the history, spoken to representatives on
both sides, and consulted the man on the street. What I've
found is that fundamentally there's no cause for conflict,
these people have the same prophets, ancestors, and much
more in common. In effect, they are cousins. The dispute
centers around one historical fact, the City of Jerusalem.
If Jerusalem were not there, there would be no dispute.
You see? That's the point! If you could remove Jerusalem
the whole problem would collapse. But how to do this?
I expect that many of you will remember when London Bridge,
which was falling down at the time anyway, was sold to a
consortium. They marked all the stones, disassembled the
structure, moved it and reassembled it in California. It
is now a successful tourist attraction and is earning a
steady income for the investors.
That's what we should be doing to Jerusalem. It's not
so big after all, I've been there, it's not more than a
few acres. The stones could easily be marked, disassembled
and moved to a new home in a neutral jurisdiction. The next
critical step is what to do with the land. First the area
where the city was would be planted with lawns and palm
trees. There would be some hiking paths and a few park benches.
I guess we would want some bike paths too, and maybe a few
chip waggons where you could buy fries and Pepsi. It might
take the locals a while to get used to it, but this process
could be speeded up by providing free marijuana. Everyone
could hang around, chat a bit, giggle, and forget what they
said. I can just see those guys with the long curly sideburns
and the other guys with the dish towels on their heads and
the fancy bathrobes, passing a joint back and forth. Kind
of makes me warm just to think of it.
The next decision will be where to reassemble the famous
city. There will be a big push to set up Jerusalem in California,
but this is a Canadian idea, and we should firmly insist
that it come to Canada. With a new Government in Ottawa
eager to make its mark, we should have lots of muscle to
help the decision go our way. Once Jerusalem is reassembled,
there would be hordes of visitors, and thousands of dollars
profit. We shouldn't keep it all, it's only fair to split
the take with the Israeli/Palestinian Orphans Fund or whatever
charity makes sense. We could even donate some for the reconstruction
of Ram Bam's tomb, and other similar deserving sites.
There is however, one potential problem in moving Jerusalem
here, and that is whether to put it in Quebec or somewhere
in the rest of Canada. We have to be careful how this is
handled or we could simply be moving the conflict from there
to here. Not to worry, compromise and Canadian go together
like hand in glove, so here's how we handle it.
When we dismantle Jerusalem we make a copy of each of
the original stones so we have enough to assemble two copies
of the city. The copy for Quebec will have one third of
the original stones, and the other copy will have two thirds.
This will reflect the ratio of francophones to anglophones
in Canada. Of course Quebec will complain and feel humiliated.
They will say there are two founding nations, and they should
get half of the stones. All right! All right! Let's keep
the peace, give them half, let's not have another referendum
on it!
There's only one decision left, where to locate the twin
cities of Jerusalem. The Quebec version should be in Blanc
Sablon I think, they need some tourist dollars down there
on the North Shore. The other version could be in Flin Flon
or maybe Moose Factory.
Damn! I forgot about Alberta, there's a lot of fundamentalists
out there, and they will want their copy of Jerusalem too.
How are we going to handle that? I guess we will simply
tell them to buy their own copy and get in debt like the
rest of us. After all, the Bible says in Ecc. 10:19, "A
feast is made for laughter and wine maketh merry, but money
answereth all things."
Bluebox ©2001 Don Cox
Website ©2001 OttawaWEB
