It's Hallowe'en weekend and I'm here once again to give
you a new slant on an old event. A couple of years ago I
tracked down the new home of witches and ghouls. They used
to be a frightening presence but they're no longer with
us as before. I finally found them, they've taken refuge
in the Health Care System, that's why Health Professionals
speak an unintelligible language. They're in complete control
in hospitals and to demonstrate it they make you put your
clothes on backwards, it's all part of the occult. Out at
the front desk they probably recite prayers backwards too.
Last year I made the remarkable observation that the Public
Service was now the home of the living dead. I showed how
to use the foul and arcane arts of journalism to make Public
Servants come forth and materialize. That was a hard story
to top and this year I haven't found a new revelation to
match it, I guess the black forces of evil are hiding from
me. Not to worry, I have a secret unexploited weapon and
this year is the time to appeal to it. With some trepidation
I went forth to seek out this special help.
Where would you go for help in the struggle against the
forces of evil? To the Masson market of course, to consult
with the great guru of the trivial, Honest Charlie. I found
Charlie early on Saturday morning setting up his boutique.
"Charlie" I said, "I need help to ferret out the hidden
cabal of evil genius around us that feeds on our innocence
through the Hallowe'en tradition." Charlie regarded me with
sombre intensity. "What do you get when you divide the circumference
of a pumpkin by its diameter?" he asked me. I confessed
I didn't know. "Pumpkin pi", he informed me. "He is testing
me" I thought, "he has a great truth to give me. It involves
astrological and geometric numerology and he has hidden
it somewhere within the confines of a really stupid joke."
I continued on my quest. "Charlie" I said, "tell me of
the dual partition within the evil genius of our present
times." Charlie regarded me with even greater sombre intensity.
"If you must choose between two evils," he said in a hoarse
whisper, "pick the one you've never tried before." Then
he added, "Always remember, a clear conscience is usually
the sign of a bad memory."
I was looking for reassurance. "Charlie", I appealed to
him, "will it always be this way, can our habits never be
changed?" His final words were encouraging. "Change is inevitable",
he told me, "except from vending machines."
Bluebox ©2001 Don Cox
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