It was a perfect early fall day today, and I decided to
enjoy it to the fullest. There are two things necessary
for full enjoyment, good weather and the Globe and Mail.
I settled into my favourite coffee shop and spent over an
hour reading about world trivia. The sun was bright, the
coffee was good, I felt secure. The security was enhanced
by three policemen who were hoovering down doughnuts at
the next table. It happened that there was an article in
the paper on Quebec police staging public demonstrations
about their pay and jostling politicians in the process.
They got a reprimand for their efforts. I felt like saying
"Ha! Ha! Can't go to your union demonstrations with guns
anymore can you! Ha! Ha!" However I was able to fight back
the impulse.
Later on, I dropped in at Jimmy's Home Hardware to share
some of the gems from the Globe. "Look what I found this
morning", I said, "there's a place in Tel Aviv called Cafe
Ke'ilu, that means Cafe Make Believe. It has tables, chairs,
dishes, menus and servers, but no food. You can order any
exotic dish you want, and get it "served" on empty dishes.
It's called 'conceptual eating' and it's a big winner."
We discussed the notion of a virtual restaurant and I remarked
that it was the sort of thing we might expect of foreigners.
Nothing silly like that could happen in our town I said.
This afternoon I was visited by both of Mayo's mayoralty
candidates, and both were concerned that I make sure I was
on the voter's list. "You're a property owner, but not a
resident" one of them told me, "so you are only a virtual
voter, you have to make application to get on the real list."
There was that word again! And I had thought only foreigners
had silly habits. Since I try never to miss a chance, I
agreed to stay on the virtual list provided that I could
send a virtual cheque for my taxes. I was not overly surprised
to learn that I had to pay real taxes whether or not I had
a real vote.
Later on I went to see Michel Vezina, the municipality's
accountant and administrator. Michel is the "eminence grise"
in Mayo. Mayors come and mayors go, but Michel goes on forever.
It took only a few moments and I was safely listed on the
voters roll, at least for this year, the system will forget
me when the election is over. "Michel" I said, "isn't it
true that all registered property owners have a vote?" He
confirmed that this was true. "Michel", I said, "do you
remember that small piece of land across from the Church,
and no one knew who was the owner?" He remembered. "Cast
your mind back as to how this was solved", I said, "you
or the council or some combination of the two invented the
name 'Elizabeth Maryon Cox', put the property in her name
and dropped the tax bill in my mail box." Michel said that
wasn't quite how it happened, but confirmed that there was
a small piece of land in the name of Elizabeth Maryon Cox.
"Well" I said "in that case she's a property owner and I
want to see her name on the voters list." I fixed him with
my steely gaze as I said this, and saw him look furtively
under the table and behind the door for a place of temporary
refuge.
"But she can't vote", said Michel, "she's not a real person."
I plowed relentlessly ahead. "There's a virtual voters list"
I pointed out, "and I'm a virtual voter who has been made
into a real voter. Why can't we have a virtual person made
into a real voter, she owns property after all." I saw Michel
desperately reaching for the very foundation of his world,
grasping in panic for a regulation to appeal to. "Bring
me two pieces of identification for Elizabeth Maryon Cox"
he gasped, sweating profusely, "and I will put her on the
list." "But they have to be genuine", he added in triumph.
I wonder......I just wonder.....I could probably find
the documents....Is there some lady out there on the Blue
Box list who would like to vote in Mayo this fall?
Bluebox ©2001 Don Cox
Website ©2001 OttawaWEB
