THE
BLUE BOX (Recycled Ideas)
by Don Cox
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I generally take a holiday this time of year, and declare
a moratorium on Blue Boxes for a few weeks. This year is
different, there are all sorts of trivia that need attention.
Take Einstein's brain for example, it was recently smuggled
into Canada and secreted somewhere in a lab at McMaster
University. I understand from the Globe that an anomaly
has been observed in the brain. There's some preliminary
evidence that this anomaly may be associated with scientific
prowess, but we can't be sure as yet. I'm willing to bet
that the research of the McMaster scientists will show that
Einstein's genius actually stems from the fact that he was
a closet Baptist.
Speaking of science, I understand that there is a startling
new possibility for detecting anti-personnel mines. It's
reported that bees can be conditioned to look for the residual
vapours of explosives like TNT instead of for honey. When
the conditioning is complete, you attach tiny radio trackers
to a number of bees and let them find the mines. I can see
this technology being developed for the domestic market
as a way to find things like lost car keys. For years now
when I lose something, I've been appealing to Saint Anthony,
the patron saint of lost articles. I say my little prayer,
"Tony! Tony! Listen! Listen! Hurry! Hurry! Something's
missin'" Frequently it works, and Tony leads me to
the mislaid article, but just as often he's off finding
other people's lost treasures and hasn't got time for me.
Perhaps now we'll have a new little mantra, "Tony's
not for times like these! Hurry Hurry! Get the bees!"
I don't want to give the impression that there's no place
for saints in the modern world. Saint Anthony may be in
eclipse to a degree, but I understand that Catholic net
surfers have asked the Vatican to consider making Saint
Isadore of Seville the patron saint of the Internet. This
sixth century clergyman is credited with creating one of
the world's first data bases, a 20 volume encyclopedia.
Maybe we could appeal to Saint Isadore when the computer
is acting up. For instance, "Issy! Issy! What to do!
The Windows screen is solid blue!" If Saint Isadore
can solve that one he's got my vote for patron saint.
We might even ask the good and saintly man for a more general
solution. "Saint Isadore to you we pray, please make
Windows go away."
Bluebox ©2001 Don Cox
Website ©2001 OttawaWEB
