THE
BLUE BOX (Recycled Ideas)
by Don Cox
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Looking back on it, I guess I would have to say that I was
visited by an alien this weekend. It all started with my
column on the Boolean Mk. II, and how I intended to keep
the old machine going indefinitely. Somehow, this inspired
a bright looking young man to visit me to give a demonstration
of the latest marvel of the computer age, Windows 98. He
projected an attitude of concern for the welfare of a lesser
mortal, but managed to hide it reasonably well. I think
his basic motivation was a commission. In any case there
was an air of forced sincerity as he set up his demo unit
and proudly turned it on. I was greeted by a colourful screen
full of strange symbols, all of them "cute". There
was a loud crescendo major chord by a full orchestra. It
was the ultimate in tacky.
He explained that the "icons" on the screen led
the user to various functions of the computer. "Do
you know what an icon is?", I asked him. "These
are icons", he explained patiently, pointing to the
cute symbols. "No! No!" I said, "an icon
originally referred to a religious symbol typically painted
on a small wooden panel." There was no glimmer of interest,
no sign that he was facing an opportunity to enlarge his
understanding of the world. "Icons can be replaced
by your personal choice if you wish", he assured me,
"these are the default icon images." Of course
I pounced on that one, "What does 'default' mean?"
I asked him.
I was treated to a rambling disorganized jumble of technospeak,
and finally decided to rescue the poor chap. "Let's
put it this way", I said, "a plate, knife, fork
and spoon is a default table setting. If I wish, I can change
this setting by adding a wine glass, or soup bowl for instance."
He smiled at me patronizingly. "Tables are no longer
necessary", he said, "we generally use pie charts,
or if you wish to change the parameters you need simply
click on "Settings", make your choice, and click
"Apply". I knew then that I had a real problem
on my hands and decided to try a different tack. "How
do you turn this Windows 98 off?" I asked him. "Very
simple", he replied, "you move the mouse to the
lower left hand corner and click on "Start". It
figures.
I asked if he had studied poetry at school and found that
the concept was only faintly understood. "Listen to
this", I said, "It's by Robert Louis Stevenson."
"The year's at the spring
The day's at the morn,
The morning's at seven,
The hillside's dew-pearled"
"The lark's on the wing,
The snail's on the thorn,
God's in His heaven,
All's right with the world.
He leapt to the challenge. "There's no need to keep
all that in your head", he triumphantly informed me.
"You can do a search of 'Stevenson' and 'spring', and
find it all on the Web, not only that poem, but all he ever
wrote about spring." Of course I didn't have sense
enough to leave it alone so I plowed ahead. "Suppose
you are walking through the fields on a beautiful spring
morning, and you want something to help you express your
joy at being part of the scene", I said, "you
have to have the poem with you in your head, it's got to
be part of you." He looked at me as if I were some
sort of raving lunatic, but a business opportunity in spite
of that. "I live in an apartment" he said in response.
I realized then that I was dealing with an alien.
I fell silent and let him finish his demonstration of Windows
98. "And", he concluded on a cheerful positive
note, "if you don't like our opening major chord, Windows
allows you to change it for any sound that is appropriate
for you and expresses your feelings most accurately.
"Do you have the sound of someone being suddenly and
violently ill?", I asked him.
Bluebox ©2001 Don Cox
Website ©2001 OttawaWEB
