THE
BLUE BOX (Recycled Ideas)
by Don Cox
Back to the index
My recent holiday is just a pleasant memory now, and I'm
planning the next exciting trip. I'll be going to the untamed
and far away metropolis of Toronto. With any luck, I'll
even come back with some incredible folk habits to report.
We'll see.
There is, however, one last memorable event to share with
you before consigning my last holiday to history. I want
to tell you about the incredible event that occurred in
leaving Belize, and crossing into Mexico at Chetumal. It
was relatively early, maybe about eight in the morning,
and as we approached customs, the traffic was stopped with
us second in the line. As we watched, all the staff filed
out of the large two storey house that served as the customs
and immigration office. Everyone was wearing white shirts
and navy blue ties, and matching navy blue pants or skirts.
Very smart. They formed two long ranks on one of the traffic
islands, maybe thirty people in total. When they were all
lined up and settled, an immaculately turned out soldier
with polished buttons and an officer's cap goose-stepped
around the traffic island and proceeded some thirty paces
to the flag pole where he came to a flawless halt, did a
left face, and stood at attention. He had a flag tucked
under his left arm. Next a second soldier goose-stepped
the same route, did a right face and stood at attention
facing the first on. They stomped their right feet in unison
and did a Nazi style salute to each other. The first soldier
took the carefully folded flag from under his arm, and reverently
passed one end of it to the second soldier. They unfolded
it and the first man attached it to the halyard, while the
second man made sure it did not touch the ground. Finally
the flag was duly raised into the weak morning breeze.
When this was completed the two soldiers resumed their
initial places and gave each other a Nazi salute which they
held while the two ranks of customs people sang the National
Anthem. It was a stirring spectacle, and free entertainment
so early in the day. When they had finished we were waved
on our way, somewhat bemused by this outpouring of nationalistic
fervour.
I couldn't help imagining what would happen if our Heritage
Minister decreed that similar flag raising ceremonies should
be held at Canadian customs houses. National Defence would
be ecstatic, I can just imagine a part of their press release,
"Give us more budget and we would be pleased to provide
military custodianship of Canadian symbology at all international
crossings." In due time, maybe six months, they would
produce an implementation proposal. I estimate it would
be four inches thick. It would cite endless precedents to
support the expansion of flag raising to include all "actual
or imputed symbology of the Canadian fact." Eskimo
carvings and maple syrup would be given military acknowledgment
"as and when required to further the real or implied
impact on National Identity." The budget would be $17M
with a guarantee against inflation factored in at twice
the official rate to "obviate the need for expansion
and replacement costs."
This would be the subject of parliamentary debate for at
least three months. The Reform party would score a great
coup by urging the use of unemployed students instead of
the military. Several political careers would be ruined
by careless remarks about using able bodied students, and
ignoring the handicapped. Finally, after many amendments,
the government would relent and take credit for the decision
to use students, provided they receive a half day each of
military briefing on flag protocol. This would be provided
by National Defence at no cost of course, and serve them
right.
Let me try to describe the scene encountered by some Mexican
tourists, also bemused by the sight of an outpouring of
Canadian Nationalistic fervour. Here come the customs bureaucrats
out of their offices to line up, sort of, in front of the
building. It's casual Friday and they're wearing whatever
they want. A student in a T-shirt and jeans comes shuffling
past the line-up with a crumpled flag over his shoulder.
("I didn't have time to fold it man, ya know, so don't
get all bent out of shape, OK? Sheesh!!") There's no
one to hold one end of the flag off the ground while the
student attaches the other end and raises it. There's no
need either, it's made of a new Canadian dirt and grease
resistant material which won a design award in Elbonia.
Besides, if there were two students raising the flag the
price would be prohibitive, and one would have to be a Francophone.
Next comes the good part, the sort-of lined up staff members
commence singing the National Anthem. It goes, "OH
CANADA .....mumble, mumble, mumble", because everybody
is using the words they kind-of remember from school days
and they're all different. Nobody really knows the official
version, and budget for printing copies of it was overlooked
in the estimates.
Oh well, these things happen, it's really Canajun eh?
Bluebox ©2001 Don Cox
Website ©2001 OttawaWEB
